It's snowing.

 The depression is trying to make its comeback like it let me alone for a bit, I fight it, I won't let it take me down. There is absolutely no reason to worry when you are in a lonely cave/house like I do, away from people but here I am and I am still worried about things that I don't know why I worry about, I wish there was a way to communicate with somebody who understands more about these things than the qliche "people need people in their lives" thing or the "people are social creatures" crap. There is absolutely not a single real friend in my life. Loyalty is extremely rare and difficult to be found. At least having what I have makes me feel lucky, but I am being difficult to handle even with the few people that care about me. Well, that's not news. The struggle is not a new. But I have to continue to do this and I don't know until when, maybe forever. I have given up completely from the fame than I wanted, from the ambitions and all these stuff and I struggle to get things done with the time I have as leftovers from the main plate that is the hard part - to make me feel safe and in peace. This is the main quest now, to make myself able to survive the meltdown. I think I can better than that but I really struggle in this situation for years and I am finally in a good spot now.
I dont know people who can understand this situation for real. And if I know, I wish I could benefit from a communication with them. Maybe we could both benefit, even though I don't know if I am capable of giving anything other than disgust about everything and drama. Ok, maybe a good conversation and some black humour, I am capable of doing this at least, completely.

 It's snowing in my hometown. I don't think this happened again since,  - well, maybe it's the first time for me to see so much snow outside my window. It has pro's and con's of course. Everything has.

First post for this year. I hope I am going to post more when I am in the mood for it.